Wait, What Does It Mean to Be Alloromantic?


For starters, the term alloromantic is a romantic orientation, and it’s very likely you or someone you know identifies this way. The word is used to describe people who experience romantic feelings for one or more individuals.

“An alloromantic person can experience romantic feelings with someone from the opposite gender, the same gender, of two genders, or of various genders,” explains Sophie Mona Pagès, relationship expert and the founder of LVRSNFRNDS.

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Now you might be thinking “Wait, I thought developing and having romantic relationships was a thing for everyone?” but, hi, nope, that is not always the case.

It is a privileged identity, as those who do not experience any sort of romantic attraction would call themselves aromantic instead.

Now keep in mind that identifying as alloromantic is not a gender identity or sexual orientation. It’s considered a romantic orientation, as it doesn’t dictate someone’s gender identity, gender expression, or sexual orientation.

This means that someone can be transgender, which is a gender identity, and also be alloromantic. They can also be asexual, meaning they have zero desire for sex, and still be alloromantic. Let’s dive deeper into it.

The Difference Between Alloromantic, Aromantic, and Allosexual

The two terms most often confused with alloromantic are aromantic and allosexual. Someone who identifies as aromantic “does not experience a romantic attraction to another person,” says Kathrine Winnick, a sex coach at LetsTalkSex.net, who previously told Cosmo.

In other words, aromantic is the opposite of alloromantic.

The other term that is very similar to alloromantic is allosexual. Someone who identifies as allosexual can experience sexual attraction to another person, but the difference is that experiencing a sexual attraction to someone is different than experiencing a romantic attraction to someone.

Being allosexual and alloromantic don’t necessarily have to go together, as one can exist without the other.

What Alloromantic People Can Do to Acknowledge the Gender and Sexuality Spectrum

Alloromanticism is a privileged identity, as it is usually considered the norm in our society since it is “the most represented group in mainstream culture,” explains Pagès.

With that in mind, there are many things alloromantics can do to make sure other people feel just as acknowledged and accepted, regardless of their sexual orientation, romantic orientation, or gender identity:

  1. As an alloromantic, understand that not everyone has relationships and romantic feelings like you do. And despite what you may think, not everyone aspires to have a romantic partner in life either.
  2. Don’t assume that because someone is single, it’s because they are undateable or not able to find a relationship. Some people are very happily single, and choose to be that way.
  3. If you are romantically interested in another person, be open to the idea that the person might not be romantically attracted to you as well—and that’s okay.
        1. How Alloromantics Can Be Better Allies

          Because being alloromantic is usually what others automatically assume about people, it’s good to use your romantic orientation as a way to teach others how to be allies of the LGBTQ+ community and make the world more inclusive.

          The first thing that will immediately make you a better ally is being open-minded and a good listener to those who have decided to come out to you. Never assume that everyone you meet wants a monogamous romantic relationship with a person of the opposite sex.

          Repeat after me: Not everyone wants to fall in love and live a happy ever after.

          Some are more than content with the connection they develop with their friends, sexual relationships, and family ties. Not making these types of assumptions will actually help an acquaintance, a friend, or even a family member be comfortable enough to come out to you and know that they will not be judged.

          Another way to be a great ally to the community is by being open to learn about gender identities and sexual and romantic orientations. You can visit websites like GLAAD and The Trevor Project for more resources.

          As long as you are willing to listen, understand, and learn, then you are on the right track.

          It’s super important to be aware of the social fights going on right now—whether they’re about someone’s identity or someone’s race. We all deserve the right to express ourselves and be who we really are without any judgements (and without hurting anyone or going against what’s humanly accepted).

          So, if you are someone who doesn’t have to deal with certain struggles simply because of who they choose to love or the color of their skin, then use your voice and power to exalt those underrepresented voices.

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