Oral sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with another person. They have your most sensitive, intimate body part in their mouth—intense! But that’s why it feels so good, and def why you want to be on the same page about what’s going on down there from the get-go.
“Oral sex is an awesome way to electrify your partner and connect intimately,” says sexual wellness expert Kenya Stevens, founder of UPLVL© Communication. It’s also great for the more intense kind of clit stimulation that most people with vulvas need to orgasm. Plus, there’s nothing more powerful than having someone in your mouth, tense and on the edge of orgasm, and knowing that they’re loving your every kiss, lick and stroke. So…how do you and your partner get there?
“Some partners are frankly just not that great at it, so the first step in having good oral sex is open communication,” says certified sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story, founder of Bloomi. Masturbate in front of each other, talk about what you like, and/or guide them with your voice or hand. (If your partner doesn’t seem to be getting the idea, we can help you with that. And if you want to improve your own oral game, well, we can help you with that too!)
When you’re working with a penis, use your hands to stroke the shaft, gently tug on the balls, or, if your partner is into it (no one likes a shocker), sliding a lubed finger in their butt. When you’re working with a vulva, knead the thighs, stroke the labia, slide a curved finger into the vagina and/or place two fingers alongside the clitoris to make the little tip pop out a little. Muck around down there and see what makes them moan.
Don’t have a partner? Well, you can’t give yourself oral sex (sad!), but you can get close through the Wonders of Technology. “If you’re single or simply want to experience oral stimulation on your own, use an oral simulation toy that uses suction, smooth circular motions, and a range of vibration speeds,” says Story, who recommends Dame’s Aer Suction Vibrator. Set it to a random rhythm and it’ll delightfully tease and surprise you. (If you like more of a circling tongue than suction, Lelo’s Ora 3 may cause you to forsake other humans. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.)
Now, ready to put all this learning to good use? Here are some oral sex positions to try tonight.